College, another thing to worry about.

I’m so worried about college, upon hearing horror stories about mean professors and the frat boys that are around, I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t go.

Judge people for yourself

We have all been taught not to judge a book by its cover, but what about not judging people based on what others tell you? Countless times I have disliked people and then became close with them after we have met.

Am I normal?

I’m too organised for my own good, I plan and schedule almost everything in my life. So when someone changes the flow and tells me that we are doing this or that tomorrow, I completely freak out.

Finally!

I have a job!! Finally, after months and months of endless applications and aggro from my parents, I have a job. So what if it’s another fast-food place? You make the best friends (and worst enemies) there.

And granted it isn’t one of the jobs on my “top 5 occupations I want” list, but it should be. I think that everyone, just once, should experience working at a fast-food restaurant – just because they will understand the business better and learn not to yell at the waitress, or cashier, or whom ever is serving them.

Everything has changed, including me, so where am I heading?

Looking back four months ago, everything has changed. I don’t think about love or life in the same way. And right now, both those things are causing me heart ache and confusion.

My top 5 occupations I want

When I was younger, people would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up and I always said actress or singer. Now that decision has to be made I have too many different ideas, and the downfalls that come with each one.

The youngest of 12

I’ve always been the little girl in the family, having eleven siblings and being the youngest of them all doesn’t help. I am always compared to them and my parents automatically assume that when one of my siblings does something wrong, that I will do it too. So I’ve always felt that they are stricter towards me, and that’s most likely the case.

The hardest thing about being compared is that I am a good person, I don’t even want to do the things that my siblings do wrong. I constantly try to prove myself to my parents every second of every day, but it doesn’t work, I am always compared.

Love

I have been thinking about love a lot lately, wondering if I am going to find it again, worrying about the possibility that I might not find that connection with someone.

I’ve been in love two times in my life and both times I have been crushed, I always love and care too much. And I ponder on the thought that I may never find someone that will love me unconditionally.

My first relationship was in my Sophomore year of High School, I was so in love with the idea of love that I desperately wanted to find it. I was involved in a club where you watch old movies every Wednesday. My first encounter of her was when I asked if she wanted to buy doughnuts, and immediately she recognized my British accent. She gave me so much attention that I couldn’t help wanting more.

Quotes to live by

For many years my favourite quote has been “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of time, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” And until this morning I never really understood how powerful that quote can be. I wrote in my diaries and put it on my social media pages, but I never actually sat down and thought about it.

Endless echoing?

I’m creating this blog simply because my voice is never heard. No matter how much I scream or explain calmly how I am feeling, no one listens. I feel empty, I feel afraid, but mostly I feel alone.

My voice is an endless echo that spreads across empty mountains. No one hears me. And I like to think, from time to time, that I will find someone who will listen – who won’t contradict me or lecture my opinions.

This blog will be my voice, the opinions that no one should put a name to.
And I shall post about my life and how I feel. Maybe even get a response, who knows?

Only thing I do know is that I have to get my emotions and opinions out somehow.